Gorilla Blanket by Steven Francis
Characters:
Luke - Student
Ben - Student
Jacob - Student
Jet - Painter/Photographer
Tempathy - Junior journalist
Lisa - Hotel Receptionist
Louie - Student with desire to travel
Act One
Curtain Rises
Saturday afternoon. Jukebox playing. The pub landlord has finished with the table mats and is watering home grown regulars. Some have mud from the rugby pitch on their knees, others still have the whiskers of the night before warm on their faces.
It is the weekend before the new term in university. Three friends sit next to the jukebox. Luke is trying to get Ben to order a pint with an egg in it.
Ben: Will you shut up.
Luke: Look im serious, a beer with a fresh egg is cure for any hangover. You have to bolt it down in one and try to ignore the egg, which looks like a yellowing tadpole swimming in....
Ben: Will you ever listen? Piss off!
Luke turns to Jacob who is choosing songs on the jukebox.
Luke: What do you say J? I'm sure the landlord wouldn't charge extra for the egg.
Jacob (facing the jukebox): Never, and while you're there ask him when he got these records changed last. I don't think this machine has anything more recent than bloody Whitesnake.
Ben: He likes to keep his customers quiet.
He looks around at people in hushed conversation.
Ben: And one way to do it is to bore them with old jangles. Still it keeps him happy at least.
Luke: Go and ask for an egg then.
Ben: Oh Christ,will you shut up about eggs? Here stick one of these in your gob.
Ben hands Luke a cigarette and offers one to Jacob who is feeding coins into the jukebox.
Jacob: No thanks, im trying to quit.
Luke: Yeah right, i'll give it another two drinks!
Jacob sits at the table.
Jacob: Two? You're both confidence of my success then.
Ben: Of course. What music did you choose?
Before Jacob can answer, Nirvana begin to scream.
Luke: I hate to criticise J but this is definately not the sound of a Saturday afternoon. Its fine for Saturday evening in a club where its too dark to see or care but afternoons need something light, a kind of ready salted flavour. Blur would be good.
Jacob: Its taken care of. Speaking of ready salted, anyone fancy a packet?
Luke finishes his beer and shakes the glass.
Luke: Nope but its your round.
Jacob counts the glasses on the table.
Ben: Come on shifty, dig deep. Same again and hold the egg.
Jacob gathers the empties.
Jacob: The price of survival in a dead town.
He goes to order the drinks and looks around. The pub has slowly begun to fill. A few old men sit at a long table before an assortment of pipes, tobacco pouches and black as tar ale. He listens as they talk quietly in english then suddenly explode into Welsh between laughter.
He looks toward the pool table where two young women are being admired by three men across the bar. Through into the lounge he spots a couple whispering like two snakes, snugly coiled around their fizzy glasses.
The landlord finished pouring the pints and brings a packet of crisps from the back room.
Landlord: Six pound fifty please.
Jacob: Right, now lets see.
He fishes in his pocket, pulls out a fistful of coins and counts out the amount on the bar.
Landlord: You would be safe in a hurricane with that lot of shrapnel.
Enter Tempathy carrying two carrier bags.
Jacob: Not this hurricane I won't.
He turns to Tempathy who is setting the bags down next to Luke and Ben.
Jacob: Vodka and lemonade?
Tempathy: Very little lemonade. (She indicates with her fingers)
Jacob pays for the drinks and re joins the table. Luke takes a glass from the tray and looks at the bags.
Luke: Ah there's sweet. Gifts to take back to uni along with our hangovers.
Tempathy blows him a kiss.
Tempathy: For your hangovers. These are nothing to do with me, they're Lisas. I took her into town this morning, she wanted new shoes for work. Then we bumped into Thomas in a coffee bar.
Ben: Thomas?
Tempathy (lighting a cigarette): Oh some chap she met out clubbing a few weeks ago. Anyway he joined us for coffee and she went as dizzy as a mouldy kitten, so I told her I'd take her stuff home before she began lapping her cappucino.
Luke: Whats he like this knight in shining cotton?
Tempathy: Not too bright I think. From what I could gather the only thing shining with him was congealed on his head. But no doubt he'll charm his way into her knickers like a reptile and shower her with flowers, then maybe marriage and kids. Then he'll grow a beer belly and sink into an armchair for the rest of his life while she throws tv dinners at him and tries to convince the elders of the bingo hall that she could have been someone.
Jacob: Jesus! Careful with that venom.
Luke: The ice maiden hath spoken on Love!
Tempathy raises her glass.
Tempathy: To hell with it!
She drains her glass and there is a minutes silence.
Ben: I don't think Lisa would fall for that lifestyle.
Luke: You can't say for certain.
Ben: No I don't think she would. I don't think any of our group would, we're all too....
Jacob: Antisocial?
Laughs
Ben: No we're too careful with our hearts, too intent on better things.
Luke: Bloody hell! Did you get that from the back of a LP? It sounded like the lyric to an old Sinatra number!
More laughter
Tempathy: Jet would have put it better. Could you see him settling down?
Jacob: Jet couldn't settle down in a mogadon factory.
Luke: Thats true, he's always on fire. He's like a fucking dragon.
Tempathy: He can get quite pretty in those dark moods of his. What was it he said once? 'I play for immediate pleasure with prolonged agony.'
Ben: Yeah thats him alright.
Luke: What the hell does it mean?
Tempathy: Im not hundred percent sure. He said it when we were both drunk at his house. He just came out with it as we finished off the bottle and its haunted me ever since. It seems to describe him perfectly though, like he's hurt.
She looks at the clock above the bar.
Tempathy: Anyway where is he? Its almost one, he can't still be suffering from last night.
Ben: Jett hungover? I don't believe it for a second.
Luke: He's with Louie isn't he? They went back to his place last night after the pub to carry on drinking.
Ben finishes his drink and stands up.
Ben: They'll be here soon. I'll get more drinks.
Tempathy reaches for the bags.
Tempathy: Not for me thanks.
Luke: What? You only just got here.
Tempathy: Im not looking after Lisa's shopping all day and evening. I'll be back after lunch.
She waves to them and exits.
Ben brings a tray of drinks.
Jacob: Methinks that frosty tigress is more than a little fond of our Jet.
He winks into his drink.
Ben: Leave it out J. Don't you remember when she went out with that Willis guy in school? She fell in Love big time. I even heard talk of engagement. Just short of a year that lasted and by the time it ended he'd slept with half the third year girls. I don't think she's trusted men since. I mean she's said herself she's fine without the love fuss.
Jacob (nodding): You could be right, she ain't been out with anyone since that episode thats for sure.
Luke: Crap. She'll settle down one day. I love Tempathy to bits and I know she loves her job and independence and all that, but the 'im-alright-by-myself' attitude of hers is just an act.
Ben: She seems adamant about it to me.
Luke moves closer to Ben
Luke: You don't read women like I do Benjamin.
He sits back
Luke: We've all been friends since school and she's done her fair share of flirting throughout. Look at her, she knows she's beautiful and loves it when blokes hit on her. I've seen her moves before.
Jacob: I wouldn't mind seeing her moves!
Ben: I wondered when your sap would begin to rise.
Jacob: Hey we should go to that new club thats opened in town tonight, Mischief's. Its sort of a strip club, give the girls a few quid and they dance on your table.
Ben: Holy smokes!
Jacob: And you never know, they might do extras.
He rubs his hands excitedly
Luke: And wake up to find your dick's fallen off.
Ben: Imagine it. A busty blonde giving her all on your table, smoke from your cigarette curling around her legs. You take her back to some crusty hotel for the night with cheap, flat chanpagne only to wake up the next morning to discover the wench has made off with your wallet and find your family jewels encrusted in green pus.
Luke and Jacob crunch their faces in disgust
Luke: Fucking hell Ben, gross!
Jacob: He has to ruin the scene.
Ben: Not at all, its just that im a realist whilst you J are a porn casualty.
He wags a finger at Jacob
Jacob: What do you mean casualty? Its not me on the screen having some ridiculously well hung guy shoving his gift up my butt! I might be helping the porno company exploit a few more starry eyed does by buying pornography....
Luke: At fifty quid a throw. No children or goats.
Jacob: But take a look at some of the women who appear in skin flicks. I figure their only other career prospects would be sitting in for crash test dummies.
Enter Jet and Louie
They wave to the table and head to the bar
Wednesday 21 October 2009
Gorilla Blanket Act I
Ben: Ah here they are! I wonder if they had heads like dummies this morning.
Jacob nods to the mud on Jets shoes
Jacob: It looks like they've been sleeping rough to me.
Jet and Louie join the table
Ben: You've got some catching up to do.
He points at his glass
Ben: Thats our third. Where have you been?
Louie: Taking pictures. We took cans with us too so I'd imagine we're about level with you on that score.
Louie gently taps her glass against Bens
Louie: Cheers!
Luke turns to Jet
luke: What has stirred the creative dog now?
He looks around the pub
Luke: I can't imagine anything in this town being interesting enough for that crazy eye of yours.
Jet: Oh I don't know, I like the way the shabby people shuffle and gossip through this town and one day I'll paint it how I see it, like dirt on a fiery diamond. Its just a case of shining a light in the right corner.
ben claps his hands
Luke: So which corner had your attention this morning?
Louie: Not corner. We shot the entire diamond from the hillside.
Jet: Its for Tempathy's paper. the editor is doing a town gallery or something and he wants locals to send in their photographs. Tempathy suggested I send some of mine.
Jacob: No wonder you look a little rough, those hills are bloody murder! Remember when we went camping? Everytime you wanted to go for a piss you had to hack your way through waves of brambles and barbed wire.
ben: And the wildlife. The things the tourists from the city love to see so much. it all looks pretty swell on a postcard but you don't get covered in cow shit or get bitten by adders on a piece of card.
Luke: You just missed our own hot tempered forked tongue by the way.
Jet: Tempathy?
Luke: Aye, she was here not ten minutes before you. She had to go fdrop Lisa's shopping off and then she was going for lunch.
Louie: Wasn't Lisa with her?
Luke: No she met some Thomas fella when they went for coffee. I don't think Tempathy was much impressed with him.
Jacob: Do you know him Lou?
Louie: Sure, I was with her in Mischief's when they first got it together. Sporty kind of guy, I think he said he drove buses. They looked quite sweet together on the dancefloor.
Ben clasps his hands together
Ben: In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love!
Luke: Amen!
Jacob frowns
Jacob: I hate it when people shoot quotes and bits of poetry off the cuff, it makes them sound so boring. There ought to be a law against it. Anyone heard firing quotes into conversation, a year in a jail for anoraks and bores.
Jet: Five years if its by Shakespeare or Wilde.
Jacob: Absolutely! And while in jail somebody could warn them of the dangers of being uncool like they do to alkies and junkies in rehab. Somebody who became so dull and grey that people lost interest only to rediscover coolness again just as his career was about to nosedive into obscurity.
Louie: John Travolta you mean?
Jacob: Yeah perfect!
Ben: Boring huh? Cheers guys.
Louie: Oh we didn't mean you baby blue!
She ruffles his hair
Ben: I mean afterall. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers....
Jacob: Right thats it, five years you toad!
All laugh
Luke: If it were up to me I'd send a few quiz show hosts to jail. The most fake people I know of, terrible looking baboons. I caught on on satelite tv the other night where a couple failed to win a luxury holiday. The host was about as sincere as a second hand car salesman as he tried to console them with a shitty plaque declaring they'd been on the show. I hate tv!
Jet: Ive switched to radio, its the next bang. Television has had it, it lost to clowns and vampires with empty headed ideas and as sincere as a dish cloth. Everythings the same, its a defused bomb and people watch it waiting for a blast that won't ever come. Leave tv to the idle guppies who don't have imagination.
Jacob: How can you say that? What about MTV, porno, wild cartoons, Playstation battles, rugby, Melinsa Messenger? Great stuff! Im a nineties uberbabe.
Louie shakes her head
Louie: That was the best argument for switching off the tube ive ever heard.
Ben: MTV? Melinda Messanger? They're dead on their feet. About as exciting as wallpaper patterns.
Jacob: Are you sure you're on the right bus? Not playing cricket for the other team are you? Melinda is delicious looking.
Ben: Hey im not gay, I just prefer my women to be refined and classy looking. Someone like Jodie....
Luke puts his hands over his ears
Luke: Can we not go down that road? We sound like a bunch of kids swapping football cards.
Jacob: Does anyone have change for the jukey?
Jet: I'll get some at the bar now. Anybody else fancy dancing with the spirits with me?
Jacob: Vodka.
Louie: Make that two.
Luke: I'll take a whiskey. Cheers Jet.
Ben: Have your six numbers come up?
Jet: Nope, call it a gift from God. Now what are you having?
Ben: Well if He's so flush I'll have a vodka with lime.
Jet goes to the bar
Ben: His money tree must be bearing delicious fruits.
Louie: His photographs in the library are selling well.
Luke: I was with him when he took those. You'd never guess we were both ripped to the tits on gin that day.
Ben: He can't leave it alone mun. Sobriety doesn't suit his temperament.
Jacob: We all drink too much, we're booze cowboys.
He punches the air
Louie: Calm down now boys, grown ups are trying to drink.
Ben: Oh what the hell, if you can't make an arse of yourself when pissed when can you?
Jet comes back with a tray of spirits
Jet: If ever you want to sober up in a hurry, go ask the price of a round of these.
Ben: Hey you offered amigo!
Jet: Well if I offer again somebody slap me.
Jacob: Get some change?
Luke: If you put any more cash into that jukebox it will fall off the wall from the weight.
Jacob: Its not just for jukey, I want a pack of cigs.
Ben drums the table with his fingers
Ben: What did we say? Two drinks and you've given in to tobacco!
Jacob: I know, I know! But in my defence I was only half serious about quitting, especially with the workload i've got coming up this term.
Jet gives him money. Jacob fetches cigarettes and lights one
Louie: The itchy lung feel better?
Jacob: Magic! Anyone want one?
They all take a cigarette apart from Louie
Luke: Have you ever had the urge to try a ciggie Lou? Just to see what its like?
Louie: Nah never, hand on smoke free heart.
Ben: I wish I'd never started. I enjoy a cig I won't say I don't but when you look at the prices they keep rocketing to, one day I'm going to have to quit.
Jacob: Thats why you're in uni. To hopefully get a great career at the end of all the skinny years so that it can pay for the vices you've picked up while away studying.
Louie: You'll have to become a tycoon like Branson or Gates then.
Jacob: Hey maybe I will.
Jet: I would never give up smoking. I enjoy it too much, screw the health issue. I take bigger risks than smoking, and to be honest with you I have a perverse thrill knowing its killing me.
Ben: You love death don't you?
Jacob: He's the reaper himself man!
Jet: It sits on my shoulder every day. I can't wait to go on the ultimate trip. I don't mean I have a death wish or anything, I'll wait until my time comes but when it does its like 'hold on, here we go, check this out!'
Jacob: Fairies, angels, God and harps.
Jet: Whatever.
Luke: I don't think there'll be fluffy clouds and rivers of wine. Dead is dead, end of.
Ben: What a dandy saturday afternoon. First he puts Nirvana on, a band who lets face it had less meat on its bones than a canary, and now we're onto ruddy dying!
Louie: Well I believe in God.
Luke: Fine, im not ripping into anyone's beliefs here, everyone should follow their hearts. Have faith in whatever, God, devil, wine, women, disco or song.
Jacob: Wales winning the world cup.
Laughs
Jet: Everybody'll find out when their time comes. The way I look at it is if when we die there is Christmas lights and mince pies then great stuff, lets all rock n' roll. But if it's lights out in a blind town with nothing at all then we won't care because we won't know. We won't feel anything like going back to before our births.
Ben: There you go Lou. When you get your theology degree and get ordained into the church you should use that as your first sermon in the pulpit. It'll be kicking!
Louie: Aye me through the door! But I know Jet has faith, he'll have his Christmas lights and pies when he kicks the bucket.
Jet: I try.
Jacob: You just hope the bucket is filled with gin.
Jacob nods to the mud on Jets shoes
Jacob: It looks like they've been sleeping rough to me.
Jet and Louie join the table
Ben: You've got some catching up to do.
He points at his glass
Ben: Thats our third. Where have you been?
Louie: Taking pictures. We took cans with us too so I'd imagine we're about level with you on that score.
Louie gently taps her glass against Bens
Louie: Cheers!
Luke turns to Jet
luke: What has stirred the creative dog now?
He looks around the pub
Luke: I can't imagine anything in this town being interesting enough for that crazy eye of yours.
Jet: Oh I don't know, I like the way the shabby people shuffle and gossip through this town and one day I'll paint it how I see it, like dirt on a fiery diamond. Its just a case of shining a light in the right corner.
ben claps his hands
Luke: So which corner had your attention this morning?
Louie: Not corner. We shot the entire diamond from the hillside.
Jet: Its for Tempathy's paper. the editor is doing a town gallery or something and he wants locals to send in their photographs. Tempathy suggested I send some of mine.
Jacob: No wonder you look a little rough, those hills are bloody murder! Remember when we went camping? Everytime you wanted to go for a piss you had to hack your way through waves of brambles and barbed wire.
ben: And the wildlife. The things the tourists from the city love to see so much. it all looks pretty swell on a postcard but you don't get covered in cow shit or get bitten by adders on a piece of card.
Luke: You just missed our own hot tempered forked tongue by the way.
Jet: Tempathy?
Luke: Aye, she was here not ten minutes before you. She had to go fdrop Lisa's shopping off and then she was going for lunch.
Louie: Wasn't Lisa with her?
Luke: No she met some Thomas fella when they went for coffee. I don't think Tempathy was much impressed with him.
Jacob: Do you know him Lou?
Louie: Sure, I was with her in Mischief's when they first got it together. Sporty kind of guy, I think he said he drove buses. They looked quite sweet together on the dancefloor.
Ben clasps his hands together
Ben: In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love!
Luke: Amen!
Jacob frowns
Jacob: I hate it when people shoot quotes and bits of poetry off the cuff, it makes them sound so boring. There ought to be a law against it. Anyone heard firing quotes into conversation, a year in a jail for anoraks and bores.
Jet: Five years if its by Shakespeare or Wilde.
Jacob: Absolutely! And while in jail somebody could warn them of the dangers of being uncool like they do to alkies and junkies in rehab. Somebody who became so dull and grey that people lost interest only to rediscover coolness again just as his career was about to nosedive into obscurity.
Louie: John Travolta you mean?
Jacob: Yeah perfect!
Ben: Boring huh? Cheers guys.
Louie: Oh we didn't mean you baby blue!
She ruffles his hair
Ben: I mean afterall. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers....
Jacob: Right thats it, five years you toad!
All laugh
Luke: If it were up to me I'd send a few quiz show hosts to jail. The most fake people I know of, terrible looking baboons. I caught on on satelite tv the other night where a couple failed to win a luxury holiday. The host was about as sincere as a second hand car salesman as he tried to console them with a shitty plaque declaring they'd been on the show. I hate tv!
Jet: Ive switched to radio, its the next bang. Television has had it, it lost to clowns and vampires with empty headed ideas and as sincere as a dish cloth. Everythings the same, its a defused bomb and people watch it waiting for a blast that won't ever come. Leave tv to the idle guppies who don't have imagination.
Jacob: How can you say that? What about MTV, porno, wild cartoons, Playstation battles, rugby, Melinsa Messenger? Great stuff! Im a nineties uberbabe.
Louie shakes her head
Louie: That was the best argument for switching off the tube ive ever heard.
Ben: MTV? Melinda Messanger? They're dead on their feet. About as exciting as wallpaper patterns.
Jacob: Are you sure you're on the right bus? Not playing cricket for the other team are you? Melinda is delicious looking.
Ben: Hey im not gay, I just prefer my women to be refined and classy looking. Someone like Jodie....
Luke puts his hands over his ears
Luke: Can we not go down that road? We sound like a bunch of kids swapping football cards.
Jacob: Does anyone have change for the jukey?
Jet: I'll get some at the bar now. Anybody else fancy dancing with the spirits with me?
Jacob: Vodka.
Louie: Make that two.
Luke: I'll take a whiskey. Cheers Jet.
Ben: Have your six numbers come up?
Jet: Nope, call it a gift from God. Now what are you having?
Ben: Well if He's so flush I'll have a vodka with lime.
Jet goes to the bar
Ben: His money tree must be bearing delicious fruits.
Louie: His photographs in the library are selling well.
Luke: I was with him when he took those. You'd never guess we were both ripped to the tits on gin that day.
Ben: He can't leave it alone mun. Sobriety doesn't suit his temperament.
Jacob: We all drink too much, we're booze cowboys.
He punches the air
Louie: Calm down now boys, grown ups are trying to drink.
Ben: Oh what the hell, if you can't make an arse of yourself when pissed when can you?
Jet comes back with a tray of spirits
Jet: If ever you want to sober up in a hurry, go ask the price of a round of these.
Ben: Hey you offered amigo!
Jet: Well if I offer again somebody slap me.
Jacob: Get some change?
Luke: If you put any more cash into that jukebox it will fall off the wall from the weight.
Jacob: Its not just for jukey, I want a pack of cigs.
Ben drums the table with his fingers
Ben: What did we say? Two drinks and you've given in to tobacco!
Jacob: I know, I know! But in my defence I was only half serious about quitting, especially with the workload i've got coming up this term.
Jet gives him money. Jacob fetches cigarettes and lights one
Louie: The itchy lung feel better?
Jacob: Magic! Anyone want one?
They all take a cigarette apart from Louie
Luke: Have you ever had the urge to try a ciggie Lou? Just to see what its like?
Louie: Nah never, hand on smoke free heart.
Ben: I wish I'd never started. I enjoy a cig I won't say I don't but when you look at the prices they keep rocketing to, one day I'm going to have to quit.
Jacob: Thats why you're in uni. To hopefully get a great career at the end of all the skinny years so that it can pay for the vices you've picked up while away studying.
Louie: You'll have to become a tycoon like Branson or Gates then.
Jacob: Hey maybe I will.
Jet: I would never give up smoking. I enjoy it too much, screw the health issue. I take bigger risks than smoking, and to be honest with you I have a perverse thrill knowing its killing me.
Ben: You love death don't you?
Jacob: He's the reaper himself man!
Jet: It sits on my shoulder every day. I can't wait to go on the ultimate trip. I don't mean I have a death wish or anything, I'll wait until my time comes but when it does its like 'hold on, here we go, check this out!'
Jacob: Fairies, angels, God and harps.
Jet: Whatever.
Luke: I don't think there'll be fluffy clouds and rivers of wine. Dead is dead, end of.
Ben: What a dandy saturday afternoon. First he puts Nirvana on, a band who lets face it had less meat on its bones than a canary, and now we're onto ruddy dying!
Louie: Well I believe in God.
Luke: Fine, im not ripping into anyone's beliefs here, everyone should follow their hearts. Have faith in whatever, God, devil, wine, women, disco or song.
Jacob: Wales winning the world cup.
Laughs
Jet: Everybody'll find out when their time comes. The way I look at it is if when we die there is Christmas lights and mince pies then great stuff, lets all rock n' roll. But if it's lights out in a blind town with nothing at all then we won't care because we won't know. We won't feel anything like going back to before our births.
Ben: There you go Lou. When you get your theology degree and get ordained into the church you should use that as your first sermon in the pulpit. It'll be kicking!
Louie: Aye me through the door! But I know Jet has faith, he'll have his Christmas lights and pies when he kicks the bucket.
Jet: I try.
Jacob: You just hope the bucket is filled with gin.
Gorilla Blanket Act I
Jet: Yeah that'd suit me. Im a simple man trying to follow as simple and carefree life as I can. I don't want the fine silverware for the kitchen table or state of the art stereo system in the living room, im going with my heart in this life. All I want is the peace to get on with my art and weekend drinking sessions to be frank with you.
Ben: All week drinking sessions surely Frank?
Luke: Is that why you dropped university?
Jet: Yep of course. I don't want to be shackled to anything and I wasn't getting anything out of uni. I was there just over a year and learned fuck all. Its all well and good learning technique and jargon but its text book, you can't learn style. I developed my own unique fashion way before college.
Louie: Fair enough but its not all about education. Its my first taste of independance, probably most peoples.
Jet: I got my first taste from my father being cruel and my mother a drunk.
Silence for a minute
Jacob: They should scatter screens around this pub with MTV blaring out, perhaps we wouldn't get onto such miserable subjects. Bloody death and university!
Ben: Life.
Luke: Why?
Jet: Who cares?
Louie: And we'll be back in its grey mist on Monday so come on guys, lighten up!
Jacob: Anyone fancy a game of pool?
Luke looks toward the pool table where three more people have joined the two young women and men
Luke: You wouldn't get a ball in edgeways, the night zombies have already started to hover over it.
Jet: The altar is being prepared for the evenings entertainment. I wonder which virgin will be sacrificed on it?
Ben eyes the two women at the pool table up and down
Ben@ Those aren't virgins, they're sharks. I know them, they were in my sisters class in school and by the time they were fifteen they'd seen more beds than Pickford's.
Jacob: Cute.
Louie: They don't look much older than fifteen now.
Ben: Seventeen.
Jacob (adopting a French accent): And the dirt they acquired under the blankets mingles with the make up on their apple faces to foil our gracious landlord. I love the stench of these perfect Pimpernels!
Louie puts a hand on Jacob's forehead
Louie: Its finally happened. The nightly doses of Television X have snapped something in his head, I can feel it clanking.
Luke: Go on the J, get past those lads they're with and make a move.
Jacob looks toward the men who are heavily tattooed and look older than the women
Jacob: My head hasn't gone that shabby.
Jet: Bollocks! Eight more double V's and you'd be fine!
Jacob: Wouldn't anyone? Its the Popeye principle. Spinach equals strength and courage, or in this case alcohol. Which turns the courage Dutch and the strength to mere illusion.
Ben: Hell i think something has definately snapped.
Luke glances to the clock above the bar
Luke: Its almost three. Has Tempathy choked on a chicken drumstick or what?
Ben: Choked on a cherry lipstick more like. She's a woman, it'll be Operation White Foundation at her gaff right now. Or Mascara of the Read Death. She'll put pencils in her eyes, tweezers up her nose, brushes through her hair and the trusty Wonderbra of course, miracle of miracles!
He turns to Louie
Ben: I don't mean all women of course.
Louie grins devilishly
Louie: Oh but its true. And we women need to go through all that because we were blessed with such fine features which can reduce a man into a slobbering mess. I don't think its fair that men spend only five minutes getting ready because all they need, all every bloke needs, is another eight inches.
Louie raises her empty glass
Louie: Whose round is it?
Luke: I'll get these.
Luke wags a finger playfully at Louie
Luke: And before you say it this is not all guys are good for.
Louie: Oh I agree, there must be something else but in the meantime rugby will have to do.
Luke goes to the bar chuckling
Ben: You're beginning to sound like Tempathy.
Louie shakes his knee
Louie: Only a little fun Benjamin, and speaking of fun what are we doing tonight? We're not staying here I hope.
Jet: There's not much else we can do.
Ben: Oh I don't know, the chippy's quite nice at this time of year.
Jacob: Its pretty sad really. Look
He lifts his jumper to reveal a small paunch
Jacob: This is through haunting pubs and take away joints.
Luke arrives with more drinks and wolf whistles
Luke: Why don't you get on the table and belly dance?
Jacob: I'm fat.
Jet: Alright then, get on the table and have a crisis.
Jacob: Ha bloody ha. I'm taking up tennis or something.
Louie: You're not fat you drama queen.
Luke: That'll cheer tubby up.
Jacob: Squash is supposed to be good for getting in shape isn't it?
Luke: With or without gin?
Jacob: Oh whats the point?
He lights a cigarette
Jet: There you go, take up cancer.
Louie: Sick.
Ben: Its healthier than taking up a sport anyway. Most of these fitness fanatics end up littering the street clutching their dying chests. Take Bruce Lee for example, jogging, kicking and punching everywhere. He didn't drink or smoke, dead at thirty three.KO'd by grand daddy reaper.
Luke: Then there's George Best.
Ben: Who can forget the great and not so late Besty!
Ben: All week drinking sessions surely Frank?
Luke: Is that why you dropped university?
Jet: Yep of course. I don't want to be shackled to anything and I wasn't getting anything out of uni. I was there just over a year and learned fuck all. Its all well and good learning technique and jargon but its text book, you can't learn style. I developed my own unique fashion way before college.
Louie: Fair enough but its not all about education. Its my first taste of independance, probably most peoples.
Jet: I got my first taste from my father being cruel and my mother a drunk.
Silence for a minute
Jacob: They should scatter screens around this pub with MTV blaring out, perhaps we wouldn't get onto such miserable subjects. Bloody death and university!
Ben: Life.
Luke: Why?
Jet: Who cares?
Louie: And we'll be back in its grey mist on Monday so come on guys, lighten up!
Jacob: Anyone fancy a game of pool?
Luke looks toward the pool table where three more people have joined the two young women and men
Luke: You wouldn't get a ball in edgeways, the night zombies have already started to hover over it.
Jet: The altar is being prepared for the evenings entertainment. I wonder which virgin will be sacrificed on it?
Ben eyes the two women at the pool table up and down
Ben@ Those aren't virgins, they're sharks. I know them, they were in my sisters class in school and by the time they were fifteen they'd seen more beds than Pickford's.
Jacob: Cute.
Louie: They don't look much older than fifteen now.
Ben: Seventeen.
Jacob (adopting a French accent): And the dirt they acquired under the blankets mingles with the make up on their apple faces to foil our gracious landlord. I love the stench of these perfect Pimpernels!
Louie puts a hand on Jacob's forehead
Louie: Its finally happened. The nightly doses of Television X have snapped something in his head, I can feel it clanking.
Luke: Go on the J, get past those lads they're with and make a move.
Jacob looks toward the men who are heavily tattooed and look older than the women
Jacob: My head hasn't gone that shabby.
Jet: Bollocks! Eight more double V's and you'd be fine!
Jacob: Wouldn't anyone? Its the Popeye principle. Spinach equals strength and courage, or in this case alcohol. Which turns the courage Dutch and the strength to mere illusion.
Ben: Hell i think something has definately snapped.
Luke glances to the clock above the bar
Luke: Its almost three. Has Tempathy choked on a chicken drumstick or what?
Ben: Choked on a cherry lipstick more like. She's a woman, it'll be Operation White Foundation at her gaff right now. Or Mascara of the Read Death. She'll put pencils in her eyes, tweezers up her nose, brushes through her hair and the trusty Wonderbra of course, miracle of miracles!
He turns to Louie
Ben: I don't mean all women of course.
Louie grins devilishly
Louie: Oh but its true. And we women need to go through all that because we were blessed with such fine features which can reduce a man into a slobbering mess. I don't think its fair that men spend only five minutes getting ready because all they need, all every bloke needs, is another eight inches.
Louie raises her empty glass
Louie: Whose round is it?
Luke: I'll get these.
Luke wags a finger playfully at Louie
Luke: And before you say it this is not all guys are good for.
Louie: Oh I agree, there must be something else but in the meantime rugby will have to do.
Luke goes to the bar chuckling
Ben: You're beginning to sound like Tempathy.
Louie shakes his knee
Louie: Only a little fun Benjamin, and speaking of fun what are we doing tonight? We're not staying here I hope.
Jet: There's not much else we can do.
Ben: Oh I don't know, the chippy's quite nice at this time of year.
Jacob: Its pretty sad really. Look
He lifts his jumper to reveal a small paunch
Jacob: This is through haunting pubs and take away joints.
Luke arrives with more drinks and wolf whistles
Luke: Why don't you get on the table and belly dance?
Jacob: I'm fat.
Jet: Alright then, get on the table and have a crisis.
Jacob: Ha bloody ha. I'm taking up tennis or something.
Louie: You're not fat you drama queen.
Luke: That'll cheer tubby up.
Jacob: Squash is supposed to be good for getting in shape isn't it?
Luke: With or without gin?
Jacob: Oh whats the point?
He lights a cigarette
Jet: There you go, take up cancer.
Louie: Sick.
Ben: Its healthier than taking up a sport anyway. Most of these fitness fanatics end up littering the street clutching their dying chests. Take Bruce Lee for example, jogging, kicking and punching everywhere. He didn't drink or smoke, dead at thirty three.KO'd by grand daddy reaper.
Luke: Then there's George Best.
Ben: Who can forget the great and not so late Besty!
Gorilla Blanket Act I
Jacob: Or Keith Richards.
Ben: Oh class! Pure, uncut and living class.
Louie: So the key to healthy living is alcohol?
Jet: That would do me.
Louie: Rubbish.
Ben: Look all im saying is Life is there for enjoying, not spending every second in the gym like a worker rat on a treadmill. There's more to Life than dumb bells and low fat meals for Gods sake. Put it like it is, if life had a throat what would you rather do to it? Shake it madly while yelling 'come on lets party!' Or pour Evian down it?
Jet: Rock and fucking roll!
Louie: But give it too much volume and you end up like Joplin.
Ben swallows almost half his pint, buzzing to the theme
Ben: Well im all up for excess and calamity! The edge is there for dancing on, not crawling up to with a can of Dr Pepper and nervously peep over the side.
Luke: Ben's away!
Louie: When you fall off, I hope you're comfortable amongst the bones of Hendrix, Morrison and Bon Scott.
Ben beats the air as if playing drums
Ben: I'll be fine. Who's round is it?
Jacob: Jeepers hang on. Its too early to start throwing 'em back!
Ben: You old man.
Jacob: I am. Ive seen two world wars me. Fought them both with a pea shooter too.
Ben snorts
Ben: Well how about getting something to scoff then?
Louie: Dear God. A sensible suggestion!
Luke: I don't mind. Actually now that you've mentioned it I could do with some fish and chips.
Louie: Crispy, golden batter.
Ben: Big, fat chips.
Jacob: Plenty of vinegar.
Luke: Like golden chubby fingers.
Jet: Carefully wrapped in yesterdays news.
Ben: Then back here to wash it down with cold cider.
Louie: Lets go.
Theyswill down their drinks and exit
Lights dim
Curtain falls
End of Act One.
Ben: Oh class! Pure, uncut and living class.
Louie: So the key to healthy living is alcohol?
Jet: That would do me.
Louie: Rubbish.
Ben: Look all im saying is Life is there for enjoying, not spending every second in the gym like a worker rat on a treadmill. There's more to Life than dumb bells and low fat meals for Gods sake. Put it like it is, if life had a throat what would you rather do to it? Shake it madly while yelling 'come on lets party!' Or pour Evian down it?
Jet: Rock and fucking roll!
Louie: But give it too much volume and you end up like Joplin.
Ben swallows almost half his pint, buzzing to the theme
Ben: Well im all up for excess and calamity! The edge is there for dancing on, not crawling up to with a can of Dr Pepper and nervously peep over the side.
Luke: Ben's away!
Louie: When you fall off, I hope you're comfortable amongst the bones of Hendrix, Morrison and Bon Scott.
Ben beats the air as if playing drums
Ben: I'll be fine. Who's round is it?
Jacob: Jeepers hang on. Its too early to start throwing 'em back!
Ben: You old man.
Jacob: I am. Ive seen two world wars me. Fought them both with a pea shooter too.
Ben snorts
Ben: Well how about getting something to scoff then?
Louie: Dear God. A sensible suggestion!
Luke: I don't mind. Actually now that you've mentioned it I could do with some fish and chips.
Louie: Crispy, golden batter.
Ben: Big, fat chips.
Jacob: Plenty of vinegar.
Luke: Like golden chubby fingers.
Jet: Carefully wrapped in yesterdays news.
Ben: Then back here to wash it down with cold cider.
Louie: Lets go.
Theyswill down their drinks and exit
Lights dim
Curtain falls
End of Act One.
Gorilla Blanket, Act II
Act Two
Curtain Rises
Seven o' clock. The pub is filled with smoke and chatter. The volume of the jukebox has been turned down but dance tracks and 80's anthems are still thumping in the background. Two young women are now working behind the bar.
Tempathy and Lisa sit drinking at a table.
Tempathy: He's definately coming then?
Lisa: He said he would.
Tempathy: Well I hope he doesn't wear those hideous shell suit bottoms he had on today.
Lisa: Don't worry. And listen don't embarrass him if he says or does anything that you don't like. I know you think the love bug is a daft thing but I really like this guy.
Tempathy crosses herself
Tempathy: Swear to God, my lips are sealed.
Lisa: You don't have a God.
Tempathy: Okay then I swear on croissants and my editors eyesight that I won't sting him. Happy?
Lisa: Oh much. Anyway I reckon your heart has already soaked the magic flutters.
Tempathy: Explain.
Lisa: Jet? By your side? Forever and ever? Amen.
Tempathy lights a cigarette
Tempathy: I am fond of him its true. He's so different, away from the crowd and blokes like him are rare. There isn't one living in every town but as for us two getting together goes, well I think we've messed it up.
Lisa: How?
Tempathy: By becoming friends. I feel more like his sister now, it wouldn't feel right.
Tempathy suddenly pulls out from her thoughts
Tempathy: Don't dare leak any of this!
Lisa: Of course I won't.
Tempathy: These are fragile bones we're dealing with.
Lisa: Funny how things turn out. How long have we known the boys? Since fourth year school?
Tempathy: Yep.
Lisa: And in all that time you and Jet could have been together.
Tempathy: No I didn't fancy him in school.
Lisa: Oh?
Tempathy: Jet wasn't himself in school, he was too polite and geeky. And that pudding hairstyle he had didn't help.
Lisa: I remember it! Aweful!
Tempathy: The odd thing about it is ive only been attracted to him for a few months, around the same time I realised I couldn't act on it because it would feel strange like dating a brother. But at least l now have our friendship for life, which couldn't be guaranteed if we became lovers.
Lisa: True enough. Still your brother does have a cute bum!
Tempathy drains her glass
Tempathy: Oh its state of the arse!
Both giggle
Across the floor the pool table is now being used to hold glasses and an ashtray. A small crowd gathered around laughing and smoking. A young cub in late teens noticed Tempathy and Lisa giggling and breaks from the mob to join them
Cub: Hello ladies! Having a good time?
Tempathy gives him a quizzical look then winks at Lisa
Tempathy: Yes its ten past seven.
Cub looks bemused
Cub: Eh?
Tempathy: I said its ten minutes past seven, now bugger off home before you worry your mother sick.
Lisa giggles and slaps Tempathy's arm
Cub: Hey I was only....
He looks at Tempathy, realising she's in no mood for banter
Cub: Enjoy your evening.
He shrugs his shoulders and heads back to the group
Tempathy: Typical boy racer. I bet he's drinking Hooch and saving for a Golf GTi. Probably even got the fluffy dice above his cot at home.
Lisa: Watch he doesn't run you over in it when he gets it. Remember the scene in Wizard of Oz where the house lands on the Wicked Witch? That'd be you, two Jimmy Choo pumps sticking out from under the car.
Both laugh knocking one of the empty glasses over
Tempathy: Oops! Time please ladies! Time for another, another glass of time!
Lisa gets up and fetches another two drinks
Enter Luke, Ben, Jacob, Louie and Jet
They go to the table
Ben: Here you are!
Tempathy does a model like pose
Tempathy: In the flesh!
Lisa: Hi guys, where have you been? We thought you'd be here all day.
Luke: We have, we only popped out to get something to eat, then little shakes here
He squeezes Jacob
Luke: got all misty eyed and wanted to take one last stroll down the harbour before going back to uni.
Tempathy: Are you sure its university and not a firing squad you're going back to J?
Jacob: Both.
Jet claps his hands
Jet: Right! Who's for that cider we promised ourselves before getting rudely interupted by food?
Tempathy: Ye olde gut rot eh? Yuk.
Luke: She's right, I think i'll skip the cider. I quite fancy a beer now.
Jet: Well whatever, someone shout 'em in.
Ben: Its not my turn.
Jacob: Me either.
All look to each other
Ben: Aww sod it, lets just buy our own.
Louie: I'll second that.
They fetch drinks through a small throng gathered around the bar
Luke: What a scrum! Talk about barflies!
Jacob nods in the direction of one of the women behind the bar
Jacob: That will be Daisy in her short skirt. The beers just a bonus. And thats not all either, i've heard her skirt gets even shorter if the price is right.
Tempathy: Oh bullshit J! Thats just some blokes fantasy! This town is built on bloody rumour and goss.
Jacob: You can't know that for certain though, a few of the rugby lads have..
Tempathy cuts him off
Tempathy: Changing room tall tales by posing insecure wankers! I thought you had more sense than to believe those neanderthals Jacob.
Louie raises a hand
Louie: Okay time out guys, chill.
Ben rubs his stomach
Ben: Anyone know a cure for a dodgy gut?
Jet: You're not going to start shouting rainbow devils all over the floor are you?
Lisa: Eh?
Jet: Throw up.
Ben: Nah I don't think so.
Luke: All day sessions must be too much for you Benjamin. You were like this when we first came in.
Ben: Its not the booze, its the batter on that fucking cod I had earlier.
Louie: Try a rum and pep.
Ben gets up to go to the bar
Ben: Rum and pep?
Luke: Aye, if you don't fancy that then go for a Guiness with a dollop of greasy lard. And an egg of course!
Curtain Rises
Seven o' clock. The pub is filled with smoke and chatter. The volume of the jukebox has been turned down but dance tracks and 80's anthems are still thumping in the background. Two young women are now working behind the bar.
Tempathy and Lisa sit drinking at a table.
Tempathy: He's definately coming then?
Lisa: He said he would.
Tempathy: Well I hope he doesn't wear those hideous shell suit bottoms he had on today.
Lisa: Don't worry. And listen don't embarrass him if he says or does anything that you don't like. I know you think the love bug is a daft thing but I really like this guy.
Tempathy crosses herself
Tempathy: Swear to God, my lips are sealed.
Lisa: You don't have a God.
Tempathy: Okay then I swear on croissants and my editors eyesight that I won't sting him. Happy?
Lisa: Oh much. Anyway I reckon your heart has already soaked the magic flutters.
Tempathy: Explain.
Lisa: Jet? By your side? Forever and ever? Amen.
Tempathy lights a cigarette
Tempathy: I am fond of him its true. He's so different, away from the crowd and blokes like him are rare. There isn't one living in every town but as for us two getting together goes, well I think we've messed it up.
Lisa: How?
Tempathy: By becoming friends. I feel more like his sister now, it wouldn't feel right.
Tempathy suddenly pulls out from her thoughts
Tempathy: Don't dare leak any of this!
Lisa: Of course I won't.
Tempathy: These are fragile bones we're dealing with.
Lisa: Funny how things turn out. How long have we known the boys? Since fourth year school?
Tempathy: Yep.
Lisa: And in all that time you and Jet could have been together.
Tempathy: No I didn't fancy him in school.
Lisa: Oh?
Tempathy: Jet wasn't himself in school, he was too polite and geeky. And that pudding hairstyle he had didn't help.
Lisa: I remember it! Aweful!
Tempathy: The odd thing about it is ive only been attracted to him for a few months, around the same time I realised I couldn't act on it because it would feel strange like dating a brother. But at least l now have our friendship for life, which couldn't be guaranteed if we became lovers.
Lisa: True enough. Still your brother does have a cute bum!
Tempathy drains her glass
Tempathy: Oh its state of the arse!
Both giggle
Across the floor the pool table is now being used to hold glasses and an ashtray. A small crowd gathered around laughing and smoking. A young cub in late teens noticed Tempathy and Lisa giggling and breaks from the mob to join them
Cub: Hello ladies! Having a good time?
Tempathy gives him a quizzical look then winks at Lisa
Tempathy: Yes its ten past seven.
Cub looks bemused
Cub: Eh?
Tempathy: I said its ten minutes past seven, now bugger off home before you worry your mother sick.
Lisa giggles and slaps Tempathy's arm
Cub: Hey I was only....
He looks at Tempathy, realising she's in no mood for banter
Cub: Enjoy your evening.
He shrugs his shoulders and heads back to the group
Tempathy: Typical boy racer. I bet he's drinking Hooch and saving for a Golf GTi. Probably even got the fluffy dice above his cot at home.
Lisa: Watch he doesn't run you over in it when he gets it. Remember the scene in Wizard of Oz where the house lands on the Wicked Witch? That'd be you, two Jimmy Choo pumps sticking out from under the car.
Both laugh knocking one of the empty glasses over
Tempathy: Oops! Time please ladies! Time for another, another glass of time!
Lisa gets up and fetches another two drinks
Enter Luke, Ben, Jacob, Louie and Jet
They go to the table
Ben: Here you are!
Tempathy does a model like pose
Tempathy: In the flesh!
Lisa: Hi guys, where have you been? We thought you'd be here all day.
Luke: We have, we only popped out to get something to eat, then little shakes here
He squeezes Jacob
Luke: got all misty eyed and wanted to take one last stroll down the harbour before going back to uni.
Tempathy: Are you sure its university and not a firing squad you're going back to J?
Jacob: Both.
Jet claps his hands
Jet: Right! Who's for that cider we promised ourselves before getting rudely interupted by food?
Tempathy: Ye olde gut rot eh? Yuk.
Luke: She's right, I think i'll skip the cider. I quite fancy a beer now.
Jet: Well whatever, someone shout 'em in.
Ben: Its not my turn.
Jacob: Me either.
All look to each other
Ben: Aww sod it, lets just buy our own.
Louie: I'll second that.
They fetch drinks through a small throng gathered around the bar
Luke: What a scrum! Talk about barflies!
Jacob nods in the direction of one of the women behind the bar
Jacob: That will be Daisy in her short skirt. The beers just a bonus. And thats not all either, i've heard her skirt gets even shorter if the price is right.
Tempathy: Oh bullshit J! Thats just some blokes fantasy! This town is built on bloody rumour and goss.
Jacob: You can't know that for certain though, a few of the rugby lads have..
Tempathy cuts him off
Tempathy: Changing room tall tales by posing insecure wankers! I thought you had more sense than to believe those neanderthals Jacob.
Louie raises a hand
Louie: Okay time out guys, chill.
Ben rubs his stomach
Ben: Anyone know a cure for a dodgy gut?
Jet: You're not going to start shouting rainbow devils all over the floor are you?
Lisa: Eh?
Jet: Throw up.
Ben: Nah I don't think so.
Luke: All day sessions must be too much for you Benjamin. You were like this when we first came in.
Ben: Its not the booze, its the batter on that fucking cod I had earlier.
Louie: Try a rum and pep.
Ben gets up to go to the bar
Ben: Rum and pep?
Luke: Aye, if you don't fancy that then go for a Guiness with a dollop of greasy lard. And an egg of course!
Gorilla Blanket, Act II
Ben sticks two fingers up at Luke and melts into the crowd
Tempathy turns to Jet
Tempathy: Have you got the photos for the paper yet darling?
Jet: A few.
Jacob: He and Louie were at it this morning.
He winks
Jacob: Up on the hills too.
Tempathy: Cheap innuendos suit you Jacob. I can just picture you sitting alone on a wet Sunday afternoon, existing on a diet of beer, pornography and Carry On films.
Jacob clutches his chest
Jacob: Ouch! You have just made a sad man sadder.
Smiles
Jet: If I thought the local paper had the balls to print it I'd send in a photo of an arse in the sunlight. Describes the town perfectly.
Ben returns carrying a blue drink
Lisa: What the hell is that?
Ben: Blue Bols.
Louie: I told you to get a rum and pep.
Ben: They didn't have any peppermint. I drank a rum at the bar though, its eased me a little.
Lisa: Until you get that space juice down you.
Jacob: Hey Ben do you fancy dropping your keks for Jet to take a photo of your arse?
Ben presses back against his seat
Ben: What the fuck?
Luke: He wants to send a picture of an arse to the local rag so that people know exactly where they're living.
Ben: Oh.
Jacob: Are you up for it or what?
Ben: Nah mine wouldn't do. I wipe it.
Tempathy: Gross.
Louie: And crazy.
Ben: So what? A slight bought of insanity can be very liberating, enjoy it while you can. We'll be back on our heads soon enough come Monday morning.
Jacob shivers
Jacob: Back to the worry, stress, money shortages, finals, career prospects.
Louie: You should try some Buddhist enlightenment J. Why worry about shit that has already happened? And why worry about shit that may happen? In fact why worry at all? Today is the calling, the crops that need tending.
Lisa: Have you taken any lsd recently?
Louie: No. And JC taught it too.
Jacob: Buddha and Jesus should have tried getting a chemistry degree. Anyway can we not talk shop?
He turns to Lisa
Jacob: How did your coffee bomb go this morning? Thomas isn't it?
Lisa: It was sweet.
Ben starts to sing
Ben: Love is in the air! Love is on the stair! Love is long blonde hair!
Jet: Fuck he's as drunk as Yoda.
Ben: And twice as wise! Love is indeed not really a deed but a lovely thing!
Tempathy: I think i'm going vomit.
Lisa: Oh I don't think its Love.
She looks at her watch
Lisa: If it was Love, Love with a capitol L, he would have been here by now.
Jacob: Give the poor chap some time! You gals are all the same, if a bloke doesn't turn up on time you immediately think he's not sincere. Or worse galavanting.
Tempathy: Because they usually are.
Luke: Did he give you a time?
Lisa: No, just told me he'd show up.
Luke: Well hang on to your knickers then dear.
Tempathy: And if he doesn't turn up in the next half hour throw them at somebody else!
Laughs
Luke: I wouldn't like to be your husband...imagine the grief!
Tempathy snorts
Tempathy: Hell if ever I end up as somebody's wife, I would be the first person to grieve! And at the head of the mourner's queue.
Jet: I'm with you on that score.
Tempathy takes his hand
Tempathy: We walk forever as one dear.
Lisa smiles at the pair
Louie: I don't see anything wrong with marriage. I know its probably not hip to say this but I reckon its a beautiful. I mean its meant to be forever isn't it? And that is way cooler than having a long series of boyfriends and one night stands.
Luke: But this is the nineties, where love is God and God is money. Nothing is forever anymore, its a fashion show.
Lisa watches as Jet slowly takes his hand from Tempathy
Lisa: I'm not so sure.
Ben: Are we going to rattle this soppy cage all bloody night? Let destiny get on with the future!
He lifts his drink
Ben: We have a more urgent calling, like where to go after here?
Jacob: A club surely? I quite fancy shaking my fat ass in Mischief.
Luke groans
Luke: Oh not more strobe lights, over priced and over sugared drinks and kids!
Tempathy: I don't like the sound of that either guys.
She points to a group of gelled teenagers
Tempathy: Thats where they're going. I don't want to be haunted by these little witches all night. The pint glasses are taller than they are for Christ's sake!
She picks out a particular girl in cropped top and flared jeans
Tempathy: Look at her, she's using her pint like an anchor. And i'm sure she's guiding a plane down with that cigarette, it hasn't touched her lips yet because she's too busy waving. An absolute fright!
Louie: Ssh her mum might hear you.
Tempathy: No she's probably in a clinic.
Jacob: I know thats her sister next to her. Or twin.
Tempathy frowns
Tempathy: I hate seeing twins out on the lash together. I mean you could be cursing Jack to Jill when all the time its bloody Jack you're talking to!
Louie (smiling): Perhaps you could try not being such a bitch?
Tempathy: And die in a hail of flowers? No fear, I want to be gunned down before a rabid, baying crowd!
Ben makes machine gun sounds at her
Ben: Dieeee stubborn wench!
Tempathy sinks into her seat holding her chest
Tempathy: Game over!
She recovers
Tempathy: Anyway if you want to see what a real bitch is you should spend a night with those brats over there.
Points to the group again
Tempathy: Proper howling bitches they are.
Jacob: Horny looking though.
Tempathy: Yep, they have two sticking out of their empty, glossy heads. And forked tongues and tails.
Luke: Kinky, just add a whip.
Lisa: Oh not you too!
Luke looks to his glass
Luke: Yo yo blame the booze.
Louie: I swear to God you guys treat beer like a licence for riot.
Jacob: Only on Fridays.
Jet: Or whenever you need a light inside you. Im not into causing trouble and fighting when drunk, idiots like that shouldn't drink but i'm all for daft capers.
Louie: Like diving fully clothedinto the dock in the middle of February? Or jumping off the side of a hill and landing on a busy road?
Jet: Precisely.
Ben: Well i'm up for capers right now, so if we're not going clubbing then where?
Lisa: Cinema?
Luke frowns
Luke: Hell to that, i've got a taste for booze now.
Lisa: Smuggle it in.
They think for a minute
Louie: I don't mind, a film and a few cans seem fine. What's on?
Luke gets a paper from the bar
Luke: Right there's Godzilla.
Groans
Luke: Another Batman flick.
Ben puts his head on the table
Luke: Or Men In Black, due to popular demand it says here. Jeepers I hate small town cinema!
Jet: I hate Hollywood. It ought to be renamed Dollybird.
Jacob: So its toss up between an enraged dinosaur, a nutter dressed as a bat or Will fucking Smith?
Tempathy: If we opt for any of those i'm going to need a bottle of bourbon and a diazepam shortbread.
Lisa: Fair enough, scrap the cinema.
Jet: I just do not understand the people who go and watch such crap.
Tempathy: Jet's a golden oldie.
Jet: Damned right! Black and white does it for me. They should repeat a few of those.
Jacob: You'd be the only one in the cinema if they kept showing Days Of Wine And Roses all the time.
Jet: Great piece of cinema.
Tempathy turns to Jet
Tempathy: Have you got the photos for the paper yet darling?
Jet: A few.
Jacob: He and Louie were at it this morning.
He winks
Jacob: Up on the hills too.
Tempathy: Cheap innuendos suit you Jacob. I can just picture you sitting alone on a wet Sunday afternoon, existing on a diet of beer, pornography and Carry On films.
Jacob clutches his chest
Jacob: Ouch! You have just made a sad man sadder.
Smiles
Jet: If I thought the local paper had the balls to print it I'd send in a photo of an arse in the sunlight. Describes the town perfectly.
Ben returns carrying a blue drink
Lisa: What the hell is that?
Ben: Blue Bols.
Louie: I told you to get a rum and pep.
Ben: They didn't have any peppermint. I drank a rum at the bar though, its eased me a little.
Lisa: Until you get that space juice down you.
Jacob: Hey Ben do you fancy dropping your keks for Jet to take a photo of your arse?
Ben presses back against his seat
Ben: What the fuck?
Luke: He wants to send a picture of an arse to the local rag so that people know exactly where they're living.
Ben: Oh.
Jacob: Are you up for it or what?
Ben: Nah mine wouldn't do. I wipe it.
Tempathy: Gross.
Louie: And crazy.
Ben: So what? A slight bought of insanity can be very liberating, enjoy it while you can. We'll be back on our heads soon enough come Monday morning.
Jacob shivers
Jacob: Back to the worry, stress, money shortages, finals, career prospects.
Louie: You should try some Buddhist enlightenment J. Why worry about shit that has already happened? And why worry about shit that may happen? In fact why worry at all? Today is the calling, the crops that need tending.
Lisa: Have you taken any lsd recently?
Louie: No. And JC taught it too.
Jacob: Buddha and Jesus should have tried getting a chemistry degree. Anyway can we not talk shop?
He turns to Lisa
Jacob: How did your coffee bomb go this morning? Thomas isn't it?
Lisa: It was sweet.
Ben starts to sing
Ben: Love is in the air! Love is on the stair! Love is long blonde hair!
Jet: Fuck he's as drunk as Yoda.
Ben: And twice as wise! Love is indeed not really a deed but a lovely thing!
Tempathy: I think i'm going vomit.
Lisa: Oh I don't think its Love.
She looks at her watch
Lisa: If it was Love, Love with a capitol L, he would have been here by now.
Jacob: Give the poor chap some time! You gals are all the same, if a bloke doesn't turn up on time you immediately think he's not sincere. Or worse galavanting.
Tempathy: Because they usually are.
Luke: Did he give you a time?
Lisa: No, just told me he'd show up.
Luke: Well hang on to your knickers then dear.
Tempathy: And if he doesn't turn up in the next half hour throw them at somebody else!
Laughs
Luke: I wouldn't like to be your husband...imagine the grief!
Tempathy snorts
Tempathy: Hell if ever I end up as somebody's wife, I would be the first person to grieve! And at the head of the mourner's queue.
Jet: I'm with you on that score.
Tempathy takes his hand
Tempathy: We walk forever as one dear.
Lisa smiles at the pair
Louie: I don't see anything wrong with marriage. I know its probably not hip to say this but I reckon its a beautiful. I mean its meant to be forever isn't it? And that is way cooler than having a long series of boyfriends and one night stands.
Luke: But this is the nineties, where love is God and God is money. Nothing is forever anymore, its a fashion show.
Lisa watches as Jet slowly takes his hand from Tempathy
Lisa: I'm not so sure.
Ben: Are we going to rattle this soppy cage all bloody night? Let destiny get on with the future!
He lifts his drink
Ben: We have a more urgent calling, like where to go after here?
Jacob: A club surely? I quite fancy shaking my fat ass in Mischief.
Luke groans
Luke: Oh not more strobe lights, over priced and over sugared drinks and kids!
Tempathy: I don't like the sound of that either guys.
She points to a group of gelled teenagers
Tempathy: Thats where they're going. I don't want to be haunted by these little witches all night. The pint glasses are taller than they are for Christ's sake!
She picks out a particular girl in cropped top and flared jeans
Tempathy: Look at her, she's using her pint like an anchor. And i'm sure she's guiding a plane down with that cigarette, it hasn't touched her lips yet because she's too busy waving. An absolute fright!
Louie: Ssh her mum might hear you.
Tempathy: No she's probably in a clinic.
Jacob: I know thats her sister next to her. Or twin.
Tempathy frowns
Tempathy: I hate seeing twins out on the lash together. I mean you could be cursing Jack to Jill when all the time its bloody Jack you're talking to!
Louie (smiling): Perhaps you could try not being such a bitch?
Tempathy: And die in a hail of flowers? No fear, I want to be gunned down before a rabid, baying crowd!
Ben makes machine gun sounds at her
Ben: Dieeee stubborn wench!
Tempathy sinks into her seat holding her chest
Tempathy: Game over!
She recovers
Tempathy: Anyway if you want to see what a real bitch is you should spend a night with those brats over there.
Points to the group again
Tempathy: Proper howling bitches they are.
Jacob: Horny looking though.
Tempathy: Yep, they have two sticking out of their empty, glossy heads. And forked tongues and tails.
Luke: Kinky, just add a whip.
Lisa: Oh not you too!
Luke looks to his glass
Luke: Yo yo blame the booze.
Louie: I swear to God you guys treat beer like a licence for riot.
Jacob: Only on Fridays.
Jet: Or whenever you need a light inside you. Im not into causing trouble and fighting when drunk, idiots like that shouldn't drink but i'm all for daft capers.
Louie: Like diving fully clothedinto the dock in the middle of February? Or jumping off the side of a hill and landing on a busy road?
Jet: Precisely.
Ben: Well i'm up for capers right now, so if we're not going clubbing then where?
Lisa: Cinema?
Luke frowns
Luke: Hell to that, i've got a taste for booze now.
Lisa: Smuggle it in.
They think for a minute
Louie: I don't mind, a film and a few cans seem fine. What's on?
Luke gets a paper from the bar
Luke: Right there's Godzilla.
Groans
Luke: Another Batman flick.
Ben puts his head on the table
Luke: Or Men In Black, due to popular demand it says here. Jeepers I hate small town cinema!
Jet: I hate Hollywood. It ought to be renamed Dollybird.
Jacob: So its toss up between an enraged dinosaur, a nutter dressed as a bat or Will fucking Smith?
Tempathy: If we opt for any of those i'm going to need a bottle of bourbon and a diazepam shortbread.
Lisa: Fair enough, scrap the cinema.
Jet: I just do not understand the people who go and watch such crap.
Tempathy: Jet's a golden oldie.
Jet: Damned right! Black and white does it for me. They should repeat a few of those.
Jacob: You'd be the only one in the cinema if they kept showing Days Of Wine And Roses all the time.
Jet: Great piece of cinema.
Gorilla Blanket, Act II
Luke: Its better than Men In Black anyway.
Jet: There is no comparison, like shit and trifle and Hollywood is up to its greedy neck in shit at the moment.
Louie: I enjoyed Schindler's List and Silence Of The Lambs.
Jet: Yeah but a few mouthfuls of trifle doesn't compensate for a main course of shit.
Tempathy groans
Tempathy: Oh please.
Ben: So no clubs or cinema?
Jacob: Lets just stay here then.
Tempathy yawns
Tempathy: Boring.
Jacob: This isn't Las Vegas, what do you want? Fireworks?
Tempathy: Yep, shooting from the hair of a golden God, drunk on gin and happy as a camel!
Luke: Camels aren't happy, thats pigs,
Tempathy: I like camels.
Ben sighs
Ben: We should do something different tonight. Heaven or hell, a riot in the attic or debauchery in the gutter. This will be our last chance to enjoy each others company for some time.
Jacob gets up to make his way to the bar
Jacob: Well i'm up for the debauchery bit.
Goes to bar
Louie: If it were up to him he'd have us all go back to his place for an orgy and S&M sessions.
Ben: Thats not such a bad idea. A scene from Caligula!
Tempathy: My whip's in the wash.
Luke: And soon I will too pissed to even raise a smile let alone major body parts.
Ben: Killjoys!
Jacob returns
Jacob: Hey i've got it. Why don't we go for a quiet meal someplace?
All look to each other
Ben: Its not exactly fireworks is it?
Jacob: Get real Ben! Look at the time, its too late to start organising the bloody blitz!
Louie: But we've only just eaten you greedy swine. God's own cod and chips remember?
Jacob waves it aside
Jacob: You'll be hungry again in a couple of hours after the sesh I guarantee it. Booze is like that.
He turns to Ben
Jacob: And you feel okay now don't you? No iffy guts?
Ben lifts a fist and shakes it
Tempathy: Actually it does sound rather cosy and Li and I didn't have cod and chips did we dear?
LisaL No.
Lisa stands up
Lisa: I'm going to the bar.
Lisa slips through the bar crowd and exits
Luke: She's gone quiet all of a sudden.
Jet watches Lisa exit
Jet: She's also gone outside.
Ben: I'll go see whats up.
As he makes to get up Tempathy grabs his arm
Tempathy: No don't mate.
Ben sits
Tempathy: Look at the time, its getting on for eight. She's probably pissed off at that moron guy of hers.
Luke: All the more reason someone should go see how she is.
Tempathy: If she's not back in five i'll go or Lou.
Jacob: No boys allowed eh?
Tempathy: Precisely, its a man she's cheesed off with. If one of you guys go you'll say men things, when all she really wants is another woman to tell her that men suck.
Jacob holds his head
Jacob (slowly): I...will....never...understand....women.
Louie: We understand you blokes though, most of the time anyhow. And there lies your weakness.
Lisa enters nd goes to the bar
Ben spots her
Ben: Good she's back. Looks like you won't need your Superwoman cape afterall.
They watch Lisa sink a drink and order another
Jet: We shall need a stretcher if she carries on like that. I like her style though.
Lisa returns to the table
Lisa: Before you ask, i'm fine. I went outside so that I could phone Thomas on my mobile. Can't hear myself think in here.
Luke: So what's the score?
Lisa: I spoke to his brother, he told me he'd left the house an hour ago.
Pauses
Lisa; With a load of mates.
Ben: So he'd rather go out on the..
Tempathy snaps at him
Tempathy: Shut up!
Ben: Sorry.
He mimes the action of pulling a zip over his mouth
Lisa: Oh well, its his loss.
She starts to tease
Lisa: If he'd prefer play with boys rather than these
She squeezes her breasts
Lisa: well what can I say? Little boys have little dicks!
Tempathy: Bravo!
Jacob: Yeah don't worry Li, this Thomas geezer wasn't exactly catch of the day was he?
Lisa: How would you know? You haven't met him.
Jacob: No but Tempathy
Lisa turns to Tempathy
Tempathy: Now don't get caught up in your knickers. I was simply voicing my opinion.
Lisa: And what a voice it is. Still it doesn't matter now.
Ben: What? You're dumping him?
Lisa: We weren't really courting. If we'd have gotten together this evening we would have been but screw him. If he can't even be bothered to turn up on a first date, I don't need a fortune teller to imagine how it would be in six months time. He's good looking and all that but i'm not stupid enough to be blinded by blue eyes and a taut butt.
Jet: More power to you!
Tempathy: Yes never trust a man with dirty fingernails.
Lisa: You noticed them too?
Tempathy: I did.
Louie: You would notice a yawn in a black hole.
Tempathy: Hey can I help it if i'm quicker than a pinball and cuter than popporn?
Luke: Anyone got a pin to deflate her swollen head?
Jet: A pitchfork more like!
Tempathy nudges him
Tempathy: Hey just for that you can get me a drink!
Jet: Anything if it'll get you back to earth.
Jet goes to the bar
Tempathy: He is simply butter in my hands!
She winks at Lisa
Jacob: Speaking of butter, now that we've squashed your errant lover that never was like a slug
Ben: I'll say! I feel like i've been dumped too!
Laughs
Jacob: Quite. Anyway have we decided yes or no to a meal?
Luke: I reckon its too late, we'll never get in anywhere. Don't you have to reserve a place in advance?
Jacob: With all due respect Luke dear boy, I don't mean dinner at the fucking Ritz. One of the local places will do. As long as they have seven chairs, wine, a wide variety of nosh and allow one to smoke in peace we're in.
Jet returns to the table with two double gins
Tempathy: Ah here it is, first aid! Cheers love!
Jet: What's occuring?
Luke: Nothing at the moment, sod bloody all! Unless you fancy going for a meal.
Jacob: Look we might as well, there's fuck all else doing. What do you think Jet?
Jet: How about we get a take away and go back to my gaff?
Ben: Hey i'm up for that! Have you got booze there?
Jet: I'm amazed you can ask that with a straight face.
Jacob: Okay, you're place it is then.
Jet: Settled.
Tempathy looks around, frowning at a typical weekend scene
Tempathy: Sooner the better I say. Look at this place. Another wild weekend has rallied its sorry troops again, and every one of them has itchy thongs or a miserable tale to tell.
Ben: Like us.
Tempathy: Don't lump me with this lot! I want more out of life than a weekend or two.
Jacob claps
Jacob: Definately!
Luke gets up
Luke: I'm going to grab some bottles to take back to Jets.
Louie finishes her drink and gets up
Louie: Good idea, we can't expect our macabre host to shout us all from his personal bar.
They both go to bar
Tempathy: So Jet sweetheart, what entertainments await our pleasure?
Jet: Oh there's all manner of sultry and exotic things. There's the wicked and the sweet. Crumbs on the floor and heather in the air!
Ben: Any new films?
Jet: There is no comparison, like shit and trifle and Hollywood is up to its greedy neck in shit at the moment.
Louie: I enjoyed Schindler's List and Silence Of The Lambs.
Jet: Yeah but a few mouthfuls of trifle doesn't compensate for a main course of shit.
Tempathy groans
Tempathy: Oh please.
Ben: So no clubs or cinema?
Jacob: Lets just stay here then.
Tempathy yawns
Tempathy: Boring.
Jacob: This isn't Las Vegas, what do you want? Fireworks?
Tempathy: Yep, shooting from the hair of a golden God, drunk on gin and happy as a camel!
Luke: Camels aren't happy, thats pigs,
Tempathy: I like camels.
Ben sighs
Ben: We should do something different tonight. Heaven or hell, a riot in the attic or debauchery in the gutter. This will be our last chance to enjoy each others company for some time.
Jacob gets up to make his way to the bar
Jacob: Well i'm up for the debauchery bit.
Goes to bar
Louie: If it were up to him he'd have us all go back to his place for an orgy and S&M sessions.
Ben: Thats not such a bad idea. A scene from Caligula!
Tempathy: My whip's in the wash.
Luke: And soon I will too pissed to even raise a smile let alone major body parts.
Ben: Killjoys!
Jacob returns
Jacob: Hey i've got it. Why don't we go for a quiet meal someplace?
All look to each other
Ben: Its not exactly fireworks is it?
Jacob: Get real Ben! Look at the time, its too late to start organising the bloody blitz!
Louie: But we've only just eaten you greedy swine. God's own cod and chips remember?
Jacob waves it aside
Jacob: You'll be hungry again in a couple of hours after the sesh I guarantee it. Booze is like that.
He turns to Ben
Jacob: And you feel okay now don't you? No iffy guts?
Ben lifts a fist and shakes it
Tempathy: Actually it does sound rather cosy and Li and I didn't have cod and chips did we dear?
LisaL No.
Lisa stands up
Lisa: I'm going to the bar.
Lisa slips through the bar crowd and exits
Luke: She's gone quiet all of a sudden.
Jet watches Lisa exit
Jet: She's also gone outside.
Ben: I'll go see whats up.
As he makes to get up Tempathy grabs his arm
Tempathy: No don't mate.
Ben sits
Tempathy: Look at the time, its getting on for eight. She's probably pissed off at that moron guy of hers.
Luke: All the more reason someone should go see how she is.
Tempathy: If she's not back in five i'll go or Lou.
Jacob: No boys allowed eh?
Tempathy: Precisely, its a man she's cheesed off with. If one of you guys go you'll say men things, when all she really wants is another woman to tell her that men suck.
Jacob holds his head
Jacob (slowly): I...will....never...understand....women.
Louie: We understand you blokes though, most of the time anyhow. And there lies your weakness.
Lisa enters nd goes to the bar
Ben spots her
Ben: Good she's back. Looks like you won't need your Superwoman cape afterall.
They watch Lisa sink a drink and order another
Jet: We shall need a stretcher if she carries on like that. I like her style though.
Lisa returns to the table
Lisa: Before you ask, i'm fine. I went outside so that I could phone Thomas on my mobile. Can't hear myself think in here.
Luke: So what's the score?
Lisa: I spoke to his brother, he told me he'd left the house an hour ago.
Pauses
Lisa; With a load of mates.
Ben: So he'd rather go out on the..
Tempathy snaps at him
Tempathy: Shut up!
Ben: Sorry.
He mimes the action of pulling a zip over his mouth
Lisa: Oh well, its his loss.
She starts to tease
Lisa: If he'd prefer play with boys rather than these
She squeezes her breasts
Lisa: well what can I say? Little boys have little dicks!
Tempathy: Bravo!
Jacob: Yeah don't worry Li, this Thomas geezer wasn't exactly catch of the day was he?
Lisa: How would you know? You haven't met him.
Jacob: No but Tempathy
Lisa turns to Tempathy
Tempathy: Now don't get caught up in your knickers. I was simply voicing my opinion.
Lisa: And what a voice it is. Still it doesn't matter now.
Ben: What? You're dumping him?
Lisa: We weren't really courting. If we'd have gotten together this evening we would have been but screw him. If he can't even be bothered to turn up on a first date, I don't need a fortune teller to imagine how it would be in six months time. He's good looking and all that but i'm not stupid enough to be blinded by blue eyes and a taut butt.
Jet: More power to you!
Tempathy: Yes never trust a man with dirty fingernails.
Lisa: You noticed them too?
Tempathy: I did.
Louie: You would notice a yawn in a black hole.
Tempathy: Hey can I help it if i'm quicker than a pinball and cuter than popporn?
Luke: Anyone got a pin to deflate her swollen head?
Jet: A pitchfork more like!
Tempathy nudges him
Tempathy: Hey just for that you can get me a drink!
Jet: Anything if it'll get you back to earth.
Jet goes to the bar
Tempathy: He is simply butter in my hands!
She winks at Lisa
Jacob: Speaking of butter, now that we've squashed your errant lover that never was like a slug
Ben: I'll say! I feel like i've been dumped too!
Laughs
Jacob: Quite. Anyway have we decided yes or no to a meal?
Luke: I reckon its too late, we'll never get in anywhere. Don't you have to reserve a place in advance?
Jacob: With all due respect Luke dear boy, I don't mean dinner at the fucking Ritz. One of the local places will do. As long as they have seven chairs, wine, a wide variety of nosh and allow one to smoke in peace we're in.
Jet returns to the table with two double gins
Tempathy: Ah here it is, first aid! Cheers love!
Jet: What's occuring?
Luke: Nothing at the moment, sod bloody all! Unless you fancy going for a meal.
Jacob: Look we might as well, there's fuck all else doing. What do you think Jet?
Jet: How about we get a take away and go back to my gaff?
Ben: Hey i'm up for that! Have you got booze there?
Jet: I'm amazed you can ask that with a straight face.
Jacob: Okay, you're place it is then.
Jet: Settled.
Tempathy looks around, frowning at a typical weekend scene
Tempathy: Sooner the better I say. Look at this place. Another wild weekend has rallied its sorry troops again, and every one of them has itchy thongs or a miserable tale to tell.
Ben: Like us.
Tempathy: Don't lump me with this lot! I want more out of life than a weekend or two.
Jacob claps
Jacob: Definately!
Luke gets up
Luke: I'm going to grab some bottles to take back to Jets.
Louie finishes her drink and gets up
Louie: Good idea, we can't expect our macabre host to shout us all from his personal bar.
They both go to bar
Tempathy: So Jet sweetheart, what entertainments await our pleasure?
Jet: Oh there's all manner of sultry and exotic things. There's the wicked and the sweet. Crumbs on the floor and heather in the air!
Ben: Any new films?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)