Gorilla Blanket Act I

Ben: Ah here they are! I wonder if they had heads like dummies this morning.

Jacob nods to the mud on Jets shoes

Jacob: It looks like they've been sleeping rough to me.

Jet and Louie join the table

Ben: You've got some catching up to do.

He points at his glass

Ben: Thats our third. Where have you been?

Louie: Taking pictures. We took cans with us too so I'd imagine we're about level with you on that score.

Louie gently taps her glass against Bens

Louie: Cheers!

Luke turns to Jet

luke: What has stirred the creative dog now?

He looks around the pub

Luke: I can't imagine anything in this town being interesting enough for that crazy eye of yours.

Jet: Oh I don't know, I like the way the shabby people shuffle and gossip through this town and one day I'll paint it how I see it, like dirt on a fiery diamond. Its just a case of shining a light in the right corner.

ben claps his hands

Luke: So which corner had your attention this morning?

Louie: Not corner. We shot the entire diamond from the hillside.

Jet: Its for Tempathy's paper. the editor is doing a town gallery or something and he wants locals to send in their photographs. Tempathy suggested I send some of mine.

Jacob: No wonder you look a little rough, those hills are bloody murder! Remember when we went camping? Everytime you wanted to go for a piss you had to hack your way through waves of brambles and barbed wire.

ben: And the wildlife. The things the tourists from the city love to see so much. it all looks pretty swell on a postcard but you don't get covered in cow shit or get bitten by adders on a piece of card.

Luke: You just missed our own hot tempered forked tongue by the way.

Jet: Tempathy?

Luke: Aye, she was here not ten minutes before you. She had to go fdrop Lisa's shopping off and then she was going for lunch.

Louie: Wasn't Lisa with her?

Luke: No she met some Thomas fella when they went for coffee. I don't think Tempathy was much impressed with him.

Jacob: Do you know him Lou?

Louie: Sure, I was with her in Mischief's when they first got it together. Sporty kind of guy, I think he said he drove buses. They looked quite sweet together on the dancefloor.

Ben clasps his hands together

Ben: In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love!

Luke: Amen!

Jacob frowns

Jacob: I hate it when people shoot quotes and bits of poetry off the cuff, it makes them sound so boring. There ought to be a law against it. Anyone heard firing quotes into conversation, a year in a jail for anoraks and bores.

Jet: Five years if its by Shakespeare or Wilde.

Jacob: Absolutely! And while in jail somebody could warn them of the dangers of being uncool like they do to alkies and junkies in rehab. Somebody who became so dull and grey that people lost interest only to rediscover coolness again just as his career was about to nosedive into obscurity.

Louie: John Travolta you mean?

Jacob: Yeah perfect!

Ben: Boring huh? Cheers guys.

Louie: Oh we didn't mean you baby blue!

She ruffles his hair

Ben: I mean afterall. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers....

Jacob: Right thats it, five years you toad!

All laugh

Luke: If it were up to me I'd send a few quiz show hosts to jail. The most fake people I know of, terrible looking baboons. I caught on on satelite tv the other night where a couple failed to win a luxury holiday. The host was about as sincere as a second hand car salesman as he tried to console them with a shitty plaque declaring they'd been on the show. I hate tv!

Jet: Ive switched to radio, its the next bang. Television has had it, it lost to clowns and vampires with empty headed ideas and as sincere as a dish cloth. Everythings the same, its a defused bomb and people watch it waiting for a blast that won't ever come. Leave tv to the idle guppies who don't have imagination.

Jacob: How can you say that? What about MTV, porno, wild cartoons, Playstation battles, rugby, Melinsa Messenger? Great stuff! Im a nineties uberbabe.

Louie shakes her head

Louie: That was the best argument for switching off the tube ive ever heard.

Ben: MTV? Melinda Messanger? They're dead on their feet. About as exciting as wallpaper patterns.

Jacob: Are you sure you're on the right bus? Not playing cricket for the other team are you? Melinda is delicious looking.

Ben: Hey im not gay, I just prefer my women to be refined and classy looking. Someone like Jodie....

Luke puts his hands over his ears

Luke: Can we not go down that road? We sound like a bunch of kids swapping football cards.

Jacob: Does anyone have change for the jukey?

Jet: I'll get some at the bar now. Anybody else fancy dancing with the spirits with me?

Jacob: Vodka.

Louie: Make that two.

Luke: I'll take a whiskey. Cheers Jet.

Ben: Have your six numbers come up?

Jet: Nope, call it a gift from God. Now what are you having?

Ben: Well if He's so flush I'll have a vodka with lime.

Jet goes to the bar

Ben: His money tree must be bearing delicious fruits.

Louie: His photographs in the library are selling well.

Luke: I was with him when he took those. You'd never guess we were both ripped to the tits on gin that day.

Ben: He can't leave it alone mun. Sobriety doesn't suit his temperament.

Jacob: We all drink too much, we're booze cowboys.

He punches the air

Louie: Calm down now boys, grown ups are trying to drink.

Ben: Oh what the hell, if you can't make an arse of yourself when pissed when can you?

Jet comes back with a tray of spirits

Jet: If ever you want to sober up in a hurry, go ask the price of a round of these.

Ben: Hey you offered amigo!

Jet: Well if I offer again somebody slap me.

Jacob: Get some change?

Luke: If you put any more cash into that jukebox it will fall off the wall from the weight.

Jacob: Its not just for jukey, I want a pack of cigs.

Ben drums the table with his fingers

Ben: What did we say? Two drinks and you've given in to tobacco!

Jacob: I know, I know! But in my defence I was only half serious about quitting, especially with the workload i've got coming up this term.

Jet gives him money. Jacob fetches cigarettes and lights one

Louie: The itchy lung feel better?

Jacob: Magic! Anyone want one?

They all take a cigarette apart from Louie

Luke: Have you ever had the urge to try a ciggie Lou? Just to see what its like?

Louie: Nah never, hand on smoke free heart.

Ben: I wish I'd never started. I enjoy a cig I won't say I don't but when you look at the prices they keep rocketing to, one day I'm going to have to quit.

Jacob: Thats why you're in uni. To hopefully get a great career at the end of all the skinny years so that it can pay for the vices you've picked up while away studying.

Louie: You'll have to become a tycoon like Branson or Gates then.

Jacob: Hey maybe I will.

Jet: I would never give up smoking. I enjoy it too much, screw the health issue. I take bigger risks than smoking, and to be honest with you I have a perverse thrill knowing its killing me.

Ben: You love death don't you?

Jacob: He's the reaper himself man!

Jet: It sits on my shoulder every day. I can't wait to go on the ultimate trip. I don't mean I have a death wish or anything, I'll wait until my time comes but when it does its like 'hold on, here we go, check this out!'

Jacob: Fairies, angels, God and harps.

Jet: Whatever.

Luke: I don't think there'll be fluffy clouds and rivers of wine. Dead is dead, end of.

Ben: What a dandy saturday afternoon. First he puts Nirvana on, a band who lets face it had less meat on its bones than a canary, and now we're onto ruddy dying!

Louie: Well I believe in God.

Luke: Fine, im not ripping into anyone's beliefs here, everyone should follow their hearts. Have faith in whatever, God, devil, wine, women, disco or song.

Jacob: Wales winning the world cup.

Laughs

Jet: Everybody'll find out when their time comes. The way I look at it is if when we die there is Christmas lights and mince pies then great stuff, lets all rock n' roll. But if it's lights out in a blind town with nothing at all then we won't care because we won't know. We won't feel anything like going back to before our births.

Ben: There you go Lou. When you get your theology degree and get ordained into the church you should use that as your first sermon in the pulpit. It'll be kicking!

Louie: Aye me through the door! But I know Jet has faith, he'll have his Christmas lights and pies when he kicks the bucket.

Jet: I try.

Jacob: You just hope the bucket is filled with gin.